And breathe

Last time I made a blogpost, it was about how I disappointed myself because of a job. If anyone wondered, I did not end up getting it. I tried for multiple others as well, sadly it did not work out with any of them. I felt useless, not being able to get a job. It started to tear me down, anxiety got quite bad, I would wake up nauseous in the morning, my appetite went down drastically, and all in all it was just not good for me. A decision was made, and I came back home to Norway a few days ago. I am currently sitting on my balcony at home – playing my happy playlist and drinking some damn good coffee, and I am relaxed. Besides, I have missed overlooking the norwegian fjords and the mountains. Not only this, but because of some help from my family, I got a job! I was not gonna stress with finding one, but I am so happy that I’ve already got one. “Everything’s coming up Milhouse!”

everythings-coming-up-milhouse-memes

(Incase someone didn’t know the reference, picture from google)

Now that my mentality is going back to being non-awful, I can’t wait to start blogging like I used to! Baking, makeup, clothes, aahhh I just love it! I know it has been a lot of “complaining” on this blog lately, but honestly, this is how I let out what I am thinking and feeling. Everyone needs a place where they can do that, or someone they can talk to. This just happens to be my place. Anyway, I will stop here, I am going to finish up my coffee (and probs go the toilet, hehe, if you drink coffee you know) and then me and my dad is having my favourite dinner tonight, mmmm, it’s good to be home, haha! I hope those of you reading this (and everyone else as well, of course) are doing alright, if not, then you can honestly pop me a message on either here or instagram if you want to have a chat.

And just because I really loved this makeup look, and also because I right now look like a toe, here’s a not-that-recent-photo-but-it’s-good-enough-I-guess

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If anyone of you decides to try liquid lipstick as eyeliner, be careful, this one stained my eyes for two days. It’s Jeffree Star’s liquid lipstick in Masochist, for those wondering.

Right, that was me for now, I proooomise I will become better with my blog, I say this everytime, but this time I actually mean it! Until next time! x

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When disappointment sinks in

I have had a few good days now, I’ve been relaxing, haven’t felt anxious (that much) or depressed, and I was quite excited for today. What was today, you might ask? Well – today I had a language test for a job I really want. The job is being a subtitler, as in I would translate english shows/films etc. into norwegian subtitles. I was nervous, but mostly excited. Until I sat down. See, I am fresh out of university, and I believe I am somewhat traumatised by the stress level I was under, so when presented with a test, my brain just goes “nah, sod this”. In other words, I blanked.

I had to do some verbs and nouns, and I had to bend (is that what you would say in English???) the noun “goose”. How did I do it? “Goose, goose, goose”. When I of course knew that is was geese. That is however not the worst part, I had to do it in norwegian. MY OWN NATIVE LANGUAGE, and I couldn’t do it! What the hell. So I am currently eating my own weight in cookie dough and already applying for other jobs.

So that was my day, how was yours? Did you write goose as plural?

Shifting focus

 

pariii

(picture from pinterest)

So, it started with a picture of someone else’s pair of shoes. Lovely shoes (if you didn’t know, I like shoes, I guess you could say – shoe enthusiast, hehe). It ended up with me finding the website and buying said shoes (with some other items, don’t know how that happened but oh well). It arrived today, and I couldn’t be happier. Though, for some reason, with this pair of shoes, they made me think of Paris! How lovely they would look in Paris, lol. The thought then went over to how much I actually miss Paris, as I went there a few years ago, and before the thought of Paris was finished, I had gone onto secret escape to look up prices for hotels. It kind of came crumbling down when I could here my wallet scream “NO!”. Perhaps another time. At least I have the shoes.

pariskoLove them!

Up in the air

‘Ello!

Yesterday, me and my boyfriend came back to England after a lovely two weeks in Norway. In case you wondered, I am norwegian, and so I go home every summer (and christmas) to visit my family. I wish we could have stayed for longer, but sadly the adult life is calling us both. Normally I would have stayed at home for about 2 months, and then go back right before university starts. This time however, I came back to nothing. Well, not nothing, but there wasn’t anything here waiting. I have finished university, and still have not been able to get a job, so therefore I guess it is nothing. However, I have no doubt that this will change soon! Behind the clouds is the sky always blue and other inspirational quotes you can think of, haha.

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this was just below the clouds, close to landing in beautiful England.

Speaking about the sky, we had to take two flights yesterday to get to England. I am actually quite afraid of flying…I say flying, but it’s not flying, it’s the taking off and landing that scares me, haha. Flying I am fine with! I quite enjoy sitting there looking out on the world being so small underneath me, listening to music, pretending I am in a music video. For those few hours, things in life seem a bit less significant, I often let my mind wander in situations like flying. I start to think about life and everything that it is, or isn’t. Bad explanation, but I don’t know how to phrase my way of thinking; I just find it quite relaxing, haha. Thinking about life and the world, forgetting that I desperately need a job so that I can move out into my own flat (with my boyfriend of course). It just doesn’t seem that relevant up in the air, that is until you land (perhaps that is why I am so scared of landing??… Nah, I just don’t want to crash and die).

Right then, I am off to drink more tea and unpack waay to much clothes!

 

Indescribable feelings

It is 11.30pm, I am sitting alone in the sofa with some tea, listening to a playlist from spotify called “Relax and unwind”, though I have done nothing special all day, I still need to just sit here and listen to calm music.

Sometimes, I can get sooo motivated for something, and I just really want to do it – but then reality kicks in, and you realise you wouldn’t be good enough. Do any of you ever get that feeling? You want to become a successful author, artist, dancer, start youtube, just anything, you know? So here I am sitting, thinking of all that I would want to do, but knowing full and well that I am not a good writer, at all, can’t draw, don’t have rhythm, have social anxiety… So here I am. Not even living, just existing. I should not complain, I have been very lucky. It’s just that melancholy feeling of not being able to do something you really want. Like the title says, I think these are indescribable feelings, I don’t know how to explain them. Though, the current song I am listening to sums it all up pretty well; it is by Isaac Gracie with “reverie”: “Darling, I am just not okay”.

So with that, I am now going off to bed, tomorrow I might search up courses on learning to write, perhaps I won’t go anywhere far, but at least this blog could become better. I realize this post is where whiny, when all I need to do is to get my ass off of this very comfy sofa and actually work for what I want to do. Except, it is sadly not all that easy at times, but I promise it is not because I do not want to try,  I will try, someday.

Writer’s block

I am in a sort of mood where I want to write something, anything, but nothing is coming to mind. There is so much to say, yet, no words to use that seem good enough.

Life has not been good recently. It seems like I am stuck in a rut in my own head. You know those out of body experiences? It kind of feels like I am watching myself from above and seeing my life go past. I feel like I have been trying to do good, but it is never enough. I fail and fail again. I don’t know what is the point with this post, there probably is none. I just wanted to let something out, even though I don’t know what it is. There have been many times in my life I have said “when I have that and that and that, I will be happy” – but I am still not, and I keep saying that when we get a flat and animals and a steady income, I’ll be happy. The truth is, who knows. It would be nice to have all that, but it wouldn’t change me, I think. Yet, that is all I am striving for right now. It is all that I want, but it seems so hard to get to that point from where I am now.

I still don’t know if I am writing what I want to write, but getting small bits out helps small amounts.

I got a job interview tomorrow, so at least I am on the right track, and I am looking for flats. Again, it feels like I am doing what is right, but it is just not getting me anywhere yet. So I will keep trying until it is right.

I am free! Kinda

Not too long ago I finished three years of university, doing a degree within Psychology. There are no words, except for; that was not worth it. For those of you that went to uni and loved it, then great! I’m glad you had a good experience! I however, did not. The stress and the constant pressure from family was nearly unbearable for me, and I had to try to find methods to ‘escape’ for a bit. I started painting, reading a lot for pleasure, I started writing for this blog again, and more. Just to be able to stay sane. However, now I am done. I don’t even know if I passed. If I did, then hallelu. If I didn’t, there is more to life.

I just came home yesterday from being on holiday to the dominican republic, which was great, I got a small tan, had way too much alcohol and went through three books. But it is good to be back as well. I am currently sitting in an overheated sunroom in my boyfriend’s house, where we both now have moved into. We will be staying here for however long needed until we have been able to save up enough ourselves to be able to move out.

And though I am aware this is not a really interesting post, I like to let stuff out once in a while, even the boring things. This blog is my let out, and sometimes it’s just good to feel like you’re talking to someone, even if it’s on your own blog on the internet, haha!

BUT! I did promise in my last post to get better at blogging, and that is exactly what I will try to do now that we’re back in England and out of uni. I do really want to get properly into this blog, as I do really love it! If there is anything anyone would want me to write about, then just leave a little comment!